Ok....I had vented last night...vented...ALOT...and I even skipped school so that I could have more time to think about everything...though I'm not quite sure if it was the ok thing to do or not.

Ryuu was not to blame....at all. Whenever she lied, she lied to protect my heart. There were things she didn't want me to know, that I had eventually found out. Nothing like cheating, or something like that, but....just the truth. Lol. I won't say more than that about lieing, because that would be then reacing out to her bsieness as well.

She's not a bad person....at all. She's very kind and loving, just...I had pushed her away. She sais that we pushed eachother away, but I am to blame for it regardless. I had wanted to date her...so bad...because my heart could not accept the fact that she had wanted to stay as friends for the time being. And even if sh didn't come back do date me, still be her friend. Work on trust. She still doesn't trust me, and she doesn't forgive herself for what she has done...but...she didn'tdo anything wrong.

All women should agree with me I think, and I won't say all men for most men wouldn't give a shit. I'm not most men...though I am 16, and barely fit to BE a man, I think as if I am 10 years older...just...living my life as I should. Hard to explain that one.

She's now dating someone whom I know will take care of her heart. I trust her decision. She's very protective of her heart....(trust me...i know) and would not place her trust wrongly. Someone wanted me to stop her from dating her...for she could be raped....or....worse....but I know her. She wouldn't listen to me. She would listen to me say "He'll hurt you. Please don't do this" and hear "I love you, I want you back, and I'm really jealous of him"

Am I jealous? Yes. Will I try to stop her? No. Did I want to? Surprisingly...no. This will give me and her the time we needed as friends. She's no cheater. Lol.

All in the end...there's a quote that reminds me off this.

"Relationships -of all kinds- are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you clso your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold on to some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it it likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possesively, and the relationship slips away and is lost."

-Kaleel Jamison, The Nibble Theory

I found that quote in a book. "Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul"

It's a quote that reminded me so much of Ryuu-san, but, sadly, I got it a few days too late. Hell, maybe even a few months. All I know is, with the words that ryuu uses, I will learn from my mistakes, dust my shoulders of the wrong, forgive myself, and move ahead, and If I choose to try again, do it diffrently. Well Ryuu, if you're reading this, I am. I have. And I will.

Besides, I'm still your friend. And for once, I want to be.